Thursday, August 13, 2009

Day 3.... is it really only day 3?...

Well today was my first day of orientation. My friend, Abbi, came down today (she's commuting so she won't be staying on campus but she is attending Leavell College this semester) and it was so nice to be able to hang out with her. I met her when her family started coming to our church several years ago. We've been on a couple mission trips together and we spent those torturous hours of Drviers ed class together but other than that we really don't hang out all that much. But today when I saw her I immediately felt soo much better. It was so nice to able to spend time with someone I knew today. Abbi is a just a really nice and sweet girl and I enjoyed our time together. I'm hoping we'll be able to take some classes together.

The other awesome part of today was that my parents came down to see me!! I was so happy when I walked down the stairs in Hardin Student center and saw them sitting in the lobby. I really miss them allot.

Today I've been thinking about why this has been so hard for me. I mean I haven't even been here a week... It's not like I've never been gone before... I've gone on many trips and stuff and I've never had a problem with that. Well I decided there are two reasons this is so different for me. The first is that those trips only lasted one to two weeks. Even if I got homesick I always knew that it wouldn't be long before I would be home again. It's not like that here. Sure, I'll be able to go home every weekend but for every Friday evening I go home there will always be a Sunday evening when I have to leave again. For every end of a semester I'm able to go home there will be the beginning of a semester when I have to leave again. For at least four years. Maybe longer.

The second thing that makes this situation different from the others is that when I went on mission trips and stuff it was always with people I knew. And even if they weren't all my closest friends I'd still known them for a while and while I did make new friends I always had girls that I'd known basically all my life with me.... It's not like that here. And that's the worst part of this. I've met several girls and they've all been very nice but I just met them... they can't take the place of the friends I've had my whole life or for at least several years. Those friends can never be replaced. And while I wasn't around my friends constantly when I was home I saw them multiple times a week... And I always knew they were there. Something about just knowing that my dear sisters in Christ were available to me anytime I needed them brought such a sense of security... unfortunately I haven't realized until now just how precious they were to me. Right now as I type this I'm crying like a baby. I miss my home so much. I miss my church, my church family. I miss going somewhere and feeling right at home as soon as I walk in the door. I miss walking into a room of people and knowing most if not everyone around me. I miss my friends. family. I miss home. I miss it very much.

While I was planning on going to go to a retreat this Saturday with the BCM and then going to church this Sunday with some friends I've decided I'd much rather go home. But I'm pretty sure I'm going to cry all during church Sunday, I'm just warning you now.

Ok well I have to stop writing or I'll never stop crying. I'm about to go to a little fair in the HSC and then my parents are taking me out to dinner. I'm really looking forward to spending time with them... and I'm going to try to not have an emotional breakdown. I know this is hard enough for them, seeing me cry over everything won't help.

So I'm off to a lovely evening. I hope yours goes equally well :)

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